Back at the café – 30th Dec 2015

“Hello, you back then? Did you have a good time?”
“Yes, it was fab. How about you?”
“Really lovely.”
“I’ve just been photographing a buoy that’s washed up on the beach.”
“That’s terrible!”
“It’s fantastic! A really big one, rolling about in the foam.”
“A really big boy?”
“Yes! Huge great thing.”
“How do you think he got there?”
“Must have been the storms.”
“Don’t you need to tell someone?”
“I was going to go along to the lifeguards office in a bit. If it gets washed out again it could sink a boat or something, and the tide’s still coming in.”
“How can a dead boy sink a boat? Poor thing.”
“Well, you know, all that metal crashing around loose in those waves… er, dead boy?”
“??”
“Ah, no, B-U-O-Y not B-O-Y.”
“I thought you were being a bit callous.”

Surge – Thurs 15th April

The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
Drives my green age; that blasts the roots of trees
Is my destroyer.
And I am dumb to tell the crooked rose
My youth is bent by the same wintry fever.

The force that drives the water through the rocks
Drives my red blood; that dries the mouthing streams
Turns mine to wax.
And I am dumb to mouth unto my veins
How at the mountain spring the same mouth sucks.

The hand that whirls the water in the pool
Stirs the quicksand; that ropes the blowing wind
Hauls my shroud sail.
And I am dumb to tell the hanging man
How of my clay is made the hangman’s lime.

The lips of time leech to the fountain head;
Love drips and gathers, but the fallen blood
Shall calm her sores.
And I am dumb to tell a weather’s wind
How time has ticked a heaven round the stars.

And I am dumb to tell the lover’s tomb
How at my sheet goes the same crooked worm.

‘The force that through the green fuse drives the flower’ (1934)
Dylan Thomas

And back again – Mon 13th April

The trouble with writing blogs, especially when you’re publishing things that have happened that day, is that you just don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. Having expounded several theories yesterday regarding why the birds have vanished…

Today I’m sitting drinking tea on the sea front in thick fog, the café is about to close, no tourists, indeed very few people at all saving those of us who seem to like standing on the beach in weird weather (what is it about fog? It’s like staring at nothing, but at the same time, the nothing is so clearly, palpably, something) and then there’s a pigeon by my feet, and then another, and then the family of crows arrives with a great chorus of croaks. So much for my observations then… only maybe they do keep a safe distance when there are too many people at the café, especially if one of them is waving a broom around. And it’s good to know that the birds are just biding their time in the certain knowledge that people are really only a transient phenomenon.

Shoreham Fret – Thurs 9th April

‘Fret’ is one of those interesting words with a number of very different meanings. There are the familiar definitions: to worry, both in terms of being worried, but also to ‘worry’ something else, the way a dog might worry a flock of sheep; the metal strips inlaid across the neck of certain types of stringed musical instruments; to adorn or form a pattern on, hence fretwork: the carving or cutting of panels of wood into elaborate shapes. But fret can also mean to eat, fray or corrode; agitate or ripple; an ornamental network (apparently, especially a medieval metallic or jewelled net for a woman’s headdress)…

And today I was reminded of a further meaning of the word as I headed out for a walk. The skies outside my window were a clear and piercing blue, but as I descended to the sea front, only about a mile away, the fog thickened until it enveloped everything in a white refractive glare. You see ‘fret’ is also the name for a particular kind of sea mist, one that Brighton is prone to during the spring and summer. It even has its own local name: the Shoreham Fret.

I’m sorry the word isn’t used much these days in this context, because the sound of the name is so perfect, encompassing the notion all at once of worrying the land, adorning it with tendrils of mist that curl across the ground, fraying the edges of things and dissolving all boundaries.

Condensed – Feb 26th

I wrote this a few years ago, but it still seems to fit, even if today wasn’t a January day:

The January rain came down in sheets fine enough to drift and cling to every surface; persistent enough to penetrate even your bones. The sky, a thick blanket of leaking cloud, was so dark that throughout the day the street lights had stayed on, the drizzle swirling in front of them like effervescence in a murky pint of bitter. Outside, the tarmac hissed with passing car tyres. The throb of an idling vehicle rattled my studio windows, making me stop painting. I looked out.
Facing me was the top of a double decker bus, its glass translucent, running with condensation. The sodden occupants only vaguely visible within, save for a shoulder or arm pressed through the veil of precipitating steam and fog breath.

One of the rear panes showed some sign of activity as a fingertip became visible from the other side, travelling across the surface to make an arc headed by a pink dot. The dot vanished only to reappear in a different part of the glass and form another line, a puncture, a zig zag. Each time a new mark was made, not only more of the image came into being but more of its author. A crude face appeared, evanescently painted onto the glass dripping droplets and runs. The drawing itself disclosed the bored countenance of a drenched adolescent, finally revealed, as, with a wipe of his now visible hand, the picture was obliterated and the bus moved off.

Flutter – Sun 22nd Feb

‘As I watched, I was filled with an ominous foreboding. What if, after all, we living beings were nothing more than such scraps of paper? Could there not be a similar unseeable, unfathomable ‘wind’ blowing us from place to place and determining our actions, whilst we, in our simplicity, believe we are driven by our own free will? What if the life within us were nothing other than some mysterious whirlwind? The wind of which it says in the Bible, ‘Thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth’? Do we not sometimes dream we have plunged our hands into deep water and caught silvery fish, when all that has happened is that our hands have been in a cold draught?’
The Golem

Gustav Meyrink

Droplet – Fri 20th Feb

‘It strikes, it strikes! Now, body, turn to air,
Or Lucifer will bear thee quick to hell!
O soul, be chang’d into small water-drops,
And fall into the ocean, ne’er be found!’ (1)

‘O, that this too too solid flesh would melt
Thaw and resolve itself into a dew!’ (2)

‘I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.’ (3)

‘I’m singin’ in the rain
Just singin’ in the rain
What a glorious feelin’
I’m happy again.’ (4)

(1) Christopher Marlowe, ‘Dr Faustus’
(2) William Shakespeare, ‘Hamlet’
(3) Rutger Hauer, ‘Blade Runner’
(4) Arthur Freed & Nacio Herb Brown, ‘Singing in the Rain’