“Hello Brian, can I have a cup of tea?”
“No.”
“And some chips?”
“Fuck off.”
Another customer is standing at the counter. “Go on, ask him where his fish comes from.”
“Out the sea.”
“You know some fish comes from tins don’t you?”
“Don’t you bloody start” says Brian.

Transaction successfully negotiated, I am presented with a steaming mug of brown tar and a huge plate of chips, twice the size of a normal portion. Brian likes me.