17.07pm

“Excuse me mate that’s a fine looking camera you’ve got there, I’m feeling low today and I’ve a mind you should take my picture, I need something to make me feel good and I think that’d be just the thing. Me, I’ve never got on with the indoors, only spent three weeks in a flat in my entire life but I keep myself fit, wash and all, look after myself, I’m looking ok aren’t I? You see these scars, most of them are from the police. This bag is full of the stuff I’ve nicked today. It was a good haul. Here, I want you to photograph me here, where I sleep, yes like that, hang on a minute, yes, that’s right, did you take the picture? Let me look, ah you’ve taken a fair few, you’re quick, that’s good, that’s good, I’m feeling good now…”

17.29pm

“Hey mate, we think you should take our picture, yes all of us together, over here” “Nah, he’s a copper” “Do I look like a copper?” “Well…” “Are you going to send it to us? I mean we want a copy” “I’ll need an email address then” “Nah, he’s a copper” “Ok, sex.com” “That’s not going to work is it?” “ Here, what do you do with all these pictures?” “But you’re the ones that wanted me to take your picture” “Ok, come on boys, over here lets do this properly” “No that won’t work, the sun’ll be behind you, over here” “Ok, lads, lads, lads!” “I’m not going in it, he’s a copper” “This is supposed the be the best weekend of my entire life!” “If you can’t see the camera the camera can’t see you” “How do we know you’re going to send us the picture?” “I can guarantee you won’t get it unless someone gives me a proper email address” “Ok, sex.com” “Francie, stop pissing about” “Give him yours” “Nah, he’s a copper” “Hey I want to see the picture, look he’s taken lots” “Lets see, lets see” “That’s the best one, send us that one” “Someone needs to give me their email address don’t they” “Here I’m not in that one” Yes you are, look, see” “Oh all right then I am” “There” “I’m their uncle, they’re lovely boys” “I’ve found a pen, come on then” “F, R, A, N, C, I, E… no spaces…”