The man at the café continues in his heroic task of clearing the establishment of all birds. He’s increased his arsenal of anti-avian devices, so that now, when not sporting his favourite weapon: the long handled brush (pictured) he will have with him another, manky old brush-head with long bristles. This he carries by the hairs in readiness to hurl at any fowl seen to be encroaching on his territory. Tea at the café is thus now punctuated with a series of loud cracks and skitters as this missile hits the ground and skids across the pavement, usually followed by a flurry of wings. Sometimes if you’re quick enough you can see the makeshift projectile fly through the air and I am now wondering how long it’s going to be before he hits a tourist. Of course this could also be me, and nearly was today, but that’s a risk I’m prepared to take, the floor-show is just too good and anyway, we all need a little danger in our lives.

At first sight it would appear this assault is working, there aren’t so many birds around lately, but I don’t think this is all to do with his endeavours. Given the crows are not to be seen on the beach either (an area outside his jurisdiction) I reckon they are currently nesting, this hypothesis supported by recently seeing one of them on the lawns with a beak so full of browning grass clippings that he or she looked a dead ringer for Karl Marx. And now the derelict West Pier seems to have developed a white frosting that evaporates from time to time as whole flocks take to the air, suggesting it’s become this year’s seagull nesting site of choice.

Sadly though, the pigeon world is now a rather more nervous one. They have all taken to lurking behind table legs and, when traversing any open terrain, do so at a run, their heads bobbing frantically in syncopation with their legs until they reach better cover elsewhere. Abandoned remains of chips, butties and fried breakfasts remain unmolested for whole minutes at a time, indeed it seems like it’s taking the man longer to clear the tables than was the case when he first arrived, so maybe this is a baiting strategy?

Nevertheless, despite his apparent successes, the whole world knows this situation is only temporary and indeed as soon as he turns his back or disappears on some errand, any uneaten plates of food left behind will all at once disappear under a cloud of feathers. It’s just that now, most of the food is immediately tossed to the ground so it can be eaten under the cover of various items of café furniture.

I must admit to being curious about what will happen when, their eggs hatched, the crows and gulls need to start foraging for their chicks. Both these species have a lot more presence and are less likely to take things lying down. When they return, I don’t think it’s going to go all his way…