The rubbish bin in the top left picture of today’s contact sheet used to be a nine year-old girl called Clarissa. Unfortunately she was a very naughty child, much given to spiteful remarks about the other children she went to school with, many of whom would run away in tears following one of her ‘observations’. The parents of the other children tried all sorts of things to console their tender offspring, even repeating to them the rather lame rhyme beginning ‘sticks and stones…’ but it was no use, everyone knows how hurtful names are.

So, one day the parents of the other children decided to go and see the local voodoo doctor. The doctor thought about this problem for a long time and eventually decided that, just for a short while, maybe a week or two, Clarissa should be transformed into something useful but lowly to teach her a lesson. After a lot of further consideration and a few more incantations just to make sure, he decided the appropriate shape for her would be that of a municipal rubbish bin.

A lock of Clarissa’s hair was procured, the wax doll made and all was going according to plan until, having successfully completed the spell, the voodoo doctor decided to relax from his endeavours with a nice cup of tea. Halfway through his break the phone rang and, jumping up in a start, he knocked his tea all over his book of reverse spells, making the ink run on the pages so much that he could no longer read the words. With the words of the undoing spells now completely illegible, the voodoo doctor no longer knew how to turn Clarissa back into a little girl so she was now stuck in her new shape forever!

This was a pity. The voodoo priest was very sorry and had to go and see Clarissa’s parents to explain that, without the right incantation, this particular magic could not be undone. They were not happy about this but had to admit she was jolly useful now. So, to this day, Clarissa waits outside her home, hoping that another more competent voodoo doctor will pass by with the right kind of spell remover.

Every year on her birthday, her parents go into town and buy a balloon, which her little sister (pictured right) then ties to Clarissa’s lid. In this way they show her that, even though she is now a rubbish bin, they still love her very much, all things considered.

Tomorrow I will tell you the truly awful story of how Nigel Watley became a supermarket shelf.