In ancient China, the appreciation of stones developed into a highly structured art form called ‘Gongshí’, or ‘scholars rocks’. Over subsequent centuries similar disciplines emerged in both Japan and Korea, named, respectively: ‘Suiseki’ and ‘Suseok’. In India, sacred stones, Shiva Linga, are still a vital part of daily worship. Western Europe saw the prehistoric megalith cultures, and the old and new stone ages. Some sections of modern society still place great store in the curative or talismanic properties of certain stones. Palaeontology deserves a whole book to itself. The 18th century French painter François Boucher prized his collection of objects of ‘natural philosophy’ (an emerging forerunner of modern sciences) including curiously shaped stones and minerals. And in recent decades, artists counting, among many others, Barbara Hepworth and Paul Nash, have had a tendency to collect odd shaped flints and other rocks for their aesthetic or mimetic qualities.

But, today, following my discovery of a mobile cliff face in a car park at the eastern edge of town, what I want to know is this: is there a similar practice that relates to the appreciation of artificial rocks and stones? We have plenty of models to use as a foundation for this new discipline: Star Trek abounds with exquisite examples as does the more esoteric 1957 East German children’s film: ‘The Singing Ringing Tree’ (‘Das singende, klingende Bäumchen’). Further pieces can be found in early episodes of Dr Who and numerous 50s B-movies. Then there are crazy golf courses, theme park rocks, ghost train caves and Christmas grottos, costume jewellery, garden, aquarium and vivarium ornaments, fountain accessories, coal-effect fires, decorative external cladding…

Every time I come up with what I think is a new idea, a quick search on the internet proves someone else has already been holding conferences on the subject, so, on that basis, the practice will surely, by now, be pretty well developed. So what’s it called? What are its rules and codes? Why can’t I find any mention of it? Or is this as yet still an underground movement?

Still from The Singing Ringing Tree, 1957, directed by Francesco Stefani