Today I went Christmas shopping. You might not be able to tell from the corresponding set of photographs (something I consider a success, unlike the shopping). However, while perusing this year’s variations on novelty stocking fillers, I have been exposed to a large sample of seasonal number one pop-hit contenders, piped from speakers in various venues around town. This has led to my formulating a theory.

While during the rest of the year, singles from top artists tend to elaborate on the following variations:

• Woo-oo-oo I’ve finally found the girl/boy of my dreams
• Woo-oo-oo nobody makes me feel like you-oo-oo do-oo-oo
• Woo-oo-oo how can I live my life now you’ve go-o-o-onnn and left me all alone?

I have discovered that the themes surfacing around Christmas are quite different, consisting of these topics:

• Woo-oo-oo ITS CHRISTMAS and I’ve finally found the girl/boy of my dreams
• Woo-oo-oo nobody makes me feel like you-oo-oo do-oo-oo at CHRISTMAS
• Woo-oo-oo how can I live my life now you’ve go-o-o-onnn and left me all alone at CHRISTMAS?

Ok, I probably missed the ones about us all living together happily while unwrapping presents with Rudolph, but apart from that I think a pattern might be emerging…

Given the commercial returns on a good Christmas hit, as long as I can come up with a simple tune with a few sleigh bells in the background, I think I’ve found a formula that will guarantee me untold riches by this time next year.

See you in Bermuda