According to several unofficial sources there was an alien visitation this lunchtime. It was arranged, in secret of course, in a unique cooperative effort between the major world powers. However, the envoy from Thlagzzpt (who had travelled over many light years to bring us tidings of world peace and intergalactic brotherhood, the cure for the common cold and technology that would give us unlimited, free and renewable energy) made the mistake of trying to touch down in South East England.

Given the extraordinarily thick cloud covering today, they decided they’d got the wrong planet, mistaking ours for an uninhabited gas-dwarf, and went home again.